Why I Feel Ashamed - Kill the Star - Untreated Adult ADHD blog

Healing ADHD and Shame: Overcoming Emotional Struggles

 

Shame is a complex emotion that can be difficult to define. It often arises from feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, or failure. For those with ADHD and RSD, shame can manifest in various ways due to the challenges and struggles associated with these conditions. This includes feeling like you are not good enough, constantly comparing yourself to others, or feeling like a burden to those around you. The impact of shame can be far-reaching, affecting your self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being. It can also lead to avoidance behaviors as a coping mechanism, which further perpet.

Shame can be a debilitating emotion, especially when you feel trapped in a cycle where your emotions are invalidated. Understanding that your feelings are valid is the first step to reclaiming your self-worth. Here's a guide to help you move past the shame and find emotional balance, even with ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).

Shame can cause you to build emotional walls

Understanding Your Triggers

Reflect on the specific events and actions that have led to your feelings of shame. In your case, it seems you feel invalidated by someone close to you, who not only dismisses your emotions but also makes you feel like a puppet. This person’s refusal to acknowledge the pain they've caused has deepened your sense of shame.

Why Understanding Triggers Matters

  • Validation: Recognizing your triggers helps you validate your own emotions. You are not "making things up."
  • Awareness: Becoming aware of what sets off your shame can help you manage your reactions more effectively.

Recognize the Emotional Impact

Shame often brings a host of other negative emotions, including anger, self-loathing, worry, fear, sadness, and embarrassment. It's crucial to understand the full range of emotions you are experiencing to address them effectively.

Why Emotional Awareness Matters

  • Empowerment: Knowing the full scope of your emotions gives you the power to address each one.
  • Self-Compassion: Understanding your emotional landscape allows you to be kinder to yourself.

Reflective Questions

 

      1. When did you first start feeling ashamed about your emotions?

  1. How has your experience with ADHD influenced your perception of shame?
  2. Do you notice a pattern in the circumstances that make you feel ashamed?
  3. Can you recall a specific instance where you felt intensely rejected?
  4. How do you typically respond to situations that trigger your shame?
  5. What physical sensations do you experience when you feel ashamed?
  6. How does your body react to feelings of rejection and shame?
  7. What thoughts go through your mind when you feel invalidated?
  8. How do you distinguish between constructive criticism and invalidation?
  9. Is there a particular person whose opinion makes you feel more ashamed?
  10. What coping mechanisms do you currently use to deal with shame?
  11. How effective are these coping mechanisms for you?
  12. Do you express your feelings of shame to others, or keep them to yourself?
  13. How do you feel after sharing your feelings of shame with someone you trust?
  14. Have you ever confronted the person who makes you feel ashamed? How did it go?
  15. What positive self-affirmations can you use to counteract feelings of shame?
  16. How does your self-worth balance the impact of shame and validation?
  17. What supportive figures in your life help you feel valued?
  18. Are there any hobbies or activities that make you feel more confident?
  19. How do you practice self-care when dealing with emotional pain?
  20. What progress have you made in managing your ADHD and RSD?
  21. How do you remind yourself of your accomplishments, despite feelings of shame?
  22. What would you tell a close friend if they were experiencing the same feelings of shame?
  23. How do you plan to handle future situations that might trigger your shame?
  24. What steps can you take to build a more supportive and understanding environment around you?

Steps to Move Past Shame

1. Self-Validation

  • Remind yourself that your emotions are valid. You have the right to feel the way you do, regardless of whether others recognize it.

2. Seek Support

  • Reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional who can offer the validation and support you need.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

  • Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that you’re worthy of love and respect.

4. Mindfulness and Meditation

5. Write it Down

  • Keep a journal to document your feelings and experiences. Writing can be a therapeutic way to process emotions.

6. Set Boundaries

  • Learn to set emotional boundaries with people who invalidate your feelings. It’s okay to distance yourself from toxic relationships.

Moving Forward

Understanding that you didn’t deserve the treatment you received is critical. The goal of this self-reflection is to find ways to manage intense emotions and to move past the shame that has been unjustly placed upon you.

Action Steps

Remember, moving past shame is a journey, not a destination. By taking these steps, you can reclaim your emotional health and well-being.

Take the first step today. You deserve it.

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