ADHD RSD is Far More Complex Than You Think

 

Introduction: ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) are complex conditions that affect individuals' emotional responses and daily functioning. As someone who experiences ADHD RSD firsthand, I've conducted extensive research to shed light on these conditions and their impact on individuals' lives.

The Importance of Emotional Connection: Many descriptions of ADHD RSD fail to evoke empathy or understanding from those who haven't experienced it themselves. To truly understand and empathize with individuals who have ADHD RSD, one must be able to emotionally connect with their experiences. This often requires reflecting on personal experiences of rejection, criticism, or failure.

Symptoms of ADHD RSD: ADHD RSD is characterized by intense emotional responses to perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. These emotional responses may include overwhelming sadness or depression, extreme anger or irritability, heightened anxiety or panic, self-doubt and low self-esteem, and withdrawal or isolation.

Examples of Avoidance Behaviors: Individuals with ADHD RSD may engage in avoidance behaviors such as procrastination, perfectionism, and social withdrawal to protect themselves from potential rejection or criticism.

Understanding the Emotional Impact: The emotional pain associated with ADHD RSD can be overwhelming and debilitating. The intensity of these emotions may be difficult for others to understand if they haven't experienced similar feelings of rejection or failure themselves.

The Role of Memory and Rumination: Memories of past rejection or failure can trigger intense emotional responses in individuals with ADHD RSD, leading them to ruminate on past hurts and exacerbating their emotional distress.

The Need for Empathy and Support: Empathy and understanding from others are crucial for individuals with ADHD RSD to feel validated and accepted. Loved ones can provide support by educating themselves about RSD, offering a safe and validating environment, and encouraging healthy coping mechanisms.

The Cycle of Emotional Reactivity: ADHD RSD often involves a cyclical pattern of emotional reactivity, where each perceived rejection or failure reinforces existing feelings of inadequacy and triggers further distress. Breaking this cycle requires effective intervention and support.

Seeking Therapy and Coping Strategies: Therapy can help individuals with ADHD RSD understand the root of their intense emotional responses and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Additionally, practicing self-care, setting realistic goals, and seeking understanding and support from others can greatly improve quality of life for individuals with ADHD RSD.

Conclusion: Understanding and empathizing with individuals who have ADHD RSD requires more than just factual information; it necessitates the ability to emotionally connect with their experiences. By recognizing the emotional impact of ADHD RSD and providing support and validation, we can create a more inclusive and empathetic society for those affected by this condition.

Detailed/messy version/notes

Individuals with ADHD often experience Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), which is characterized by intense emotional responses to perceived rejection or criticism (Agnieszka Błaszczak, 2022).

I have done a lot of research on ADHD RSD and I personally found the material to be really safe. I say this as a person who has ADHD RSD. The information on ADHD RSD paints one picture only, a person who is afraid of perceived or real rejection. This person experiences intense emotional pain as a result. The average person thinks "everyone gets their feelings hurt when they experience rejection" others think "insecure people are afraid" and the others think "Get over it". 

Why I Don't Think People Understand ADHD

I have a theory on empathy that works explaining the reason why people are missing the point. ADHD people have been known to lack empathy, there are different reasons for this, but today we are going to go over what I think is the main issue (this is my theory alone) about this. 

There have been several times in different uncomfortable social settings that I didn't understand how I was supposed to react. 

When someone close to you (a friend) loses a loved one. I had no connection to the person who died. After saying I'm sorry for your lost, I fell flat on my face. I couldn't relate to my friend because I had never suffered a lost that resulted in death. I couldn't show empathy towards something I had not experienced for myself. This is going to sound cruel but it didn't impact my life and when I was young, I  probably didn't understand why they felt bad. 

They (doctors/researchers) say we don't learn from mistakes. I can guarantee you one way you can learn and it doesn't fade away. That is the power of human emotion. The worse the emotion the more powerful it is. 

So, what's my point? The same could be said about people in general. I can use the term intense emotions all I want to, it won't have any effect unless a person has experience something they feel has been traumatic. I realize I used the word traumatic because it's the right word. RSD episode feels like a very traumatic event each time it occurs. It doesn't matter the reason because the outcome is always over the top, extremist mentality, black and white thinking, emotional driven, hate bashing mess. In that moment(s) in time in my head nothing in the world matters to me but how I feel right then and there. Nothing can distract me, nothing can make me smile, nothing can save me. 

And if I must be honest, I'm completely impaired. 

Nothing they read made them relate, identify, or feel empathy for someone who experiences ADHD RSD. Why is it important for a person to do any of things you listed?

Because it is solely based on human emotions. It usually shines the brightest for negative emotions. No emotion is right or wrong. Negative means angry, frustrated, rejected, etc. 

ADHD RSD can't be understood if a person hasn't felt emotional turmoil themselves due to feeling rejected or being rejected. It's important for people to think back on a time that caused them great distress by perceived or real rejection in order for that person to identify and feel empathy towards a person who experiences these feelings on a recurring basis. To simplify it words have no context without relating to the context. 

  First, we should cover what are intense emotional responses? Intense emotional responses are a hallmark feature of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) in individuals with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). RSD can manifest as a heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection, criticism, or failure, leading to intense emotional reactions. Here are five examples of intense emotional responses commonly observed in individuals with ADHD RSD:

1. Overwhelming Sadness or Depression: A seemingly minor criticism or perceived rejection can trigger overwhelming feelings of sadness or depression in individuals with ADHD RSD. For example, receiving constructive feedback on a project at work may lead to feelings of inadequacy and deep sadness, even if the feedback was meant to be helpful.

2. Extreme Anger or Irritability: Individuals with ADHD RSD may experience intense anger or irritability in response to perceived rejection or criticism. For instance, if a friend cancels plans at the last minute, someone with ADHD RSD might feel disproportionately angry and lash out in frustration, even if the cancellation was unavoidable.

3. Heightened Anxiety or Panic: Situations involving potential rejection or failure can provoke intense anxiety or panic in individuals with ADHD RSD. For example, the thought of giving a presentation in front of colleagues may trigger overwhelming anxiety, leading to physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, and trembling.

4. Self-Doubt and Low Self-Esteem: Repeated experiences of rejection or criticism can erode self-confidence and contribute to feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem in individuals with ADHD RSD. For instance, failing to meet a deadline at work may lead to pervasive thoughts of incompetence and worthlessness, despite evidence to the contrary.

5. Withdrawal or Isolation: To avoid potential rejection or criticism, individuals with ADHD RSD may withdraw from social interactions or isolate themselves from others. For example, after receiving negative feedback on a creative project, someone with ADHD RSD might retreat from social gatherings and prefer to spend time alone to avoid further emotional distress.

 Having these intense emotions can lead to feelings of worthlessness, shame, and overwhelming sadness. RSD can also cause individuals with ADHD to engage in avoidance behaviors in order to protect themselves from potential rejection or criticism. These avoidance behaviors can include procrastination, perfectionism, and social withdrawal.

Five examples of avoidance in procrastination, perfectionism, and social withdrawal

Procrastination:

1. Task Avoidance: Individuals with ADHD and RSD may avoid tasks that trigger their fear of rejection or failure. For instance, a student might procrastinate on starting a project because they fear criticism from their peers or teacher.

2. Decision Avoidance: They may delay making decisions, especially ones involving potential rejection or criticism. This could be as simple as putting off responding to an email or as significant as avoiding making career choices.

3. Avoidance of Challenging Situations: People with ADHD and RSD may procrastinate on activities or situations that they find challenging or overwhelming, such as starting a new job or engaging in social gatherings where they feel they might not fit in.

4. Perceived Criticism Avoidance: They might procrastinate on tasks that involve receiving feedback or criticism, even if it's constructive. This could include avoiding asking for help or seeking guidance from others out of fear of being judged or rejected.

5. Emotional Task Avoidance: Individuals might procrastinate on tasks that require emotional labor or dealing with sensitive issues, such as confronting conflicts or expressing their feelings in personal relationships. This avoidance stems from their fear of emotional rejection or abandonment.

 

Perfectionism:

1. Overly High Standards: People with ADHD and RSD may set unrealistically high standards for themselves, fearing that anything less than perfection will lead to rejection or criticism. For example, they might spend excessive time perfecting a project or assignment, even if it's already of high quality.

2. Fear of Mistakes: They might exhibit perfectionism as a way to avoid making mistakes, which they perceive as evidence of their incompetence or unworthiness. This fear of failure can lead to a reluctance to start or complete tasks unless they are certain of success.

3. Hyper-Focus on Details: Individuals may become hyper-focused on minor details, losing sight of the bigger picture, as they strive for perfection in every aspect of a task or project. This can result in spending disproportionate amounts of time on insignificant elements.

4. Difficulty with Task Completion: Perfectionism can lead to difficulties in completing tasks because individuals may never feel satisfied with their work. They might continually revise and edit, seeking an unattainable level of perfection.

5. Avoidance of New Challenges: People with ADHD and RSD might avoid trying new activities or taking on new challenges because of the fear of not being able to excel immediately. This fear of failure can prevent them from stepping out of their comfort zone and trying new things.

Social Withdrawal:

1. Avoidance of Social Situations: Individuals may withdraw from social activities or events to avoid potential rejection or criticism from others. They might decline invitations to parties or gatherings because they fear not fitting in or being judged by their peers.

2. Isolation: Social withdrawal can manifest as isolating oneself from others, both physically and emotionally. This could involve spending excessive amounts of time alone, avoiding interactions with family and friends, and withdrawing from social media or other forms of communication.

3. Limited Social Circle: People with ADHD and RSD may have a small social circle or difficulty forming and maintaining relationships due to their fear of rejection. They might struggle to trust others or open up emotionally, fearing that they will be hurt or abandoned.

4. Avoidance of Conflict: They might withdraw from social interactions or relationships to avoid conflict or confrontation. This could involve avoiding difficult conversations or situations where they anticipate disagreement or criticism.

5. Self-Imposed Isolation: Individuals may impose isolation on themselves as a way to protect themselves from potential rejection or abandonment. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, exacerbating their RSD symptoms.

  

 This is an important step in being able to understand someone with ADHD RSD.  How do I know this? Simply put because I have ADHD RSD. Understanding and empathizing with individuals who have ADHD RSD requires more than just factual information; it necessitates the ability to emotionally connect with their experiences. Often, material on RSD is authored by individuals who don't have firsthand experience with the condition, which can sometimes result in a lack of emotional resonance for anyone reading about ADHD RSD. 

The intensity of emotional responses may vary from person to person, the underlying feelings of rejection, criticism, failure, and social exclusion are universal human experiences that connect us all.

Developing empathy and understanding for individuals with ADHD RSD involves recognizing and validating the validity of their emotional experiences, regardless of whether or not we share the same neurodivergent traits

To do this you must remember the time when you personally experience the following:

1. Rejection in Romantic Relationships: Imagine experiencing heartbreak after a breakup or being rejected by someone you deeply care about. The pain and sadness that accompany romantic rejection can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. While individuals without ADHD RSD may not experience rejection sensitivity to the same degree, they can relate to the emotional turmoil triggered by romantic setbacks.

2. Criticism in the Workplace: Consider receiving harsh criticism or negative feedback from a supervisor or colleague at work. Despite your best efforts, the criticism feels deeply personal and undermines your confidence in your abilities. You may find yourself questioning your competence and worth as a professional, struggling to shake off the lingering feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

3. Failure to Meet Personal Goals: Reflect on the disappointment and frustration that accompany falling short of personal goals or aspirations. Whether it's failing to achieve a career milestone, missing a deadline, or struggling to maintain a healthy lifestyle, the sense of failure can be crushing. Despite knowing that setbacks are a natural part of life, the emotional toll of perceived failure can be profound.

4. Social Exclusion or Alienation: Picture a scenario where you feel excluded or marginalized by a social group or community. Whether it's being left out of social gatherings, experiencing bullying or discrimination, or feeling like you don't belong, the emotional pain of social rejection can be intense. Despite attempts to brush off the rejection, the feelings of loneliness and isolation linger, leaving a lasting impact on your mental and emotional well-being.

5. Financial Struggles or Instability:  stress and anxiety that resulted from financial difficulties, such as debt, unemployment, or unexpected expenses. The constant worry about making ends meet, coupled with the fear of losing financial security, can take a significant toll on your mental health. Despite efforts to stay afloat, the emotional burden of financial instability can feel overwhelming.

People who have ADHD RSD experience these types of feelings very easily, resulting in feeling intense emotions every time they perceive or experience negative feedback. Unlike individuals without ADHD RSD who may experience occasional moments of emotional turmoil in response to rejection or criticism, those with the condition are predisposed to react with heightened sensitivity and intensity to perceived threats of rejection or failure. What sets ADHD RSD apart is the frequency and intensity of these emotional responses, which can occur even in seemingly minor or insignificant situations. It's important to understand that each instance of experiencing RSD feels like the first time, regardless of how many times it has happened before. The emotional impact is fresh and immediate, as if the individual is reliving the experience anew with each occurrence. This perpetual cycle of heightened emotional reactivity can significantly impact one's mental and emotional well-being, leading to a constant state of vigilance and distress in anticipation of potential rejection or criticism.

What does that actual mean? individuals with ADHD RSD can often vividly recall past experiences of rejection, criticism, or failure and may indeed relive the associated emotional turmoil. The intense emotional responses characteristic of ADHD RSD can make memories of past hurts feel fresh and emotionally charged, even years after the initial event occurred.

The tendency for individuals with ADHD RSD to hyperfocus on negative feedback or perceived rejection can contribute to rumination and dwelling on past hurts. Even if they try to move on from the experience, the emotional imprint left by the event may linger, resurfacing unexpectedly and disrupting their emotional equilibrium. This makes moving on or forgiveness close to impossible to accomplish. This is something not very well known about ADHD RSD that I believe is important for people to understand how intense these feelings actually are. 

When reflecting on a past experience that triggered emotional pain, individuals with ADHD RSD may find themselves experiencing a resurgence of intense emotions, similar to how they felt during the original event. The memory may evoke feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, or shame, as if they are reliving the experience in the present moment. This phenomenon can be distressing and overwhelming, as the emotional intensity of the memory may feel just as potent as it did when the event initially occurred.

1. Overwhelming Sadness or Depression: Imagine a scenario where you've put a lot of effort into a project or task, only to receive feedback that focuses on its shortcomings rather than its strengths. Despite your hard work, the criticism feels like a personal attack, triggering a wave of sadness that engulfs you. It's as if your worth as a person is tied to the success of your endeavors, leaving you feeling defeated and hopeless. 

 

1. Extreme Anger or Irritability: Picture a situation where you've made plans with a close friend for weeks, eagerly anticipating spending time together. However, at the last minute, your friend cancels without much explanation. Despite understanding that emergencies happen, you find yourself inexplicably furious, feeling as though your friend's cancellation is a direct affront to your friendship and loyalty.

2. Heightened Anxiety or Panic: Consider the anxiety that accompanies the thought of having to speak in front of a large group of people. Your heart races, your palms sweat, and a sense of impending doom washes over you. The fear of being judged or criticized intensifies with each passing moment, making it nearly impossible to focus or function effectively.

3. Self-Doubt and Low Self-Esteem: Reflect on moments when setbacks or failures cause a cascade of self-critical thoughts to flood your mind. Despite your achievements and abilities, you can't shake the feeling that you're not good enough. Each perceived failure reinforces a deep-seated belief that you're inherently flawed or unworthy of success and acceptance.

4. Withdrawal or Isolation: Envision retreating into solitude after experiencing rejection or criticism, seeking solace in the familiarity of your own company. Social interactions become sources of anxiety and discomfort, leading you to avoid them altogether to protect yourself from further emotional pain. Despite longing for connection, the fear of being hurt outweighs the desire for companionship. It is important for individuals with ADHD to learn to recognize and manage their RSD in order to improve their overall well-being and mental health.

Negative emotions are stronger

Negative emotions are stronger in individuals with ADHD RSD due to their heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. These emotions can overwhelm their thoughts and actions, leading to intense and sometimes debilitating responses to seemingly minor triggers. The constant fear of rejection or failure can amplify negative emotions, making it challenging for individuals with ADHD RSD to regulate their feelings and maintain emotional stability. As a result, negative emotions often loom larger and exert greater influence over their daily lives, impacting their relationships, work performance, and overall well-being. Recognizing and addressing these heightened negative emotions is crucial in supporting individuals with ADHD RSD and helping them effectively manage their emotional responses.

What is misunderstood about RSD

is the emotional pain associated with RSD is often internalized and invisible to others, it can be challenging for individuals without RSD to recognize the depth of despair experienced by those with the condition. Without a visible manifestation of their suffering, individuals with RSD may struggle to convey the intensity of their emotions to others, further exacerbating feelings of isolation and despair.

Why someone who experiences ADHD RSD might not tell anyone

Individuals with ADHD RSD often have a heightened fear of rejection or criticism. They may worry that sharing their feelings will result in further rejection or invalidation, leading them to keep their emotions bottled up rather than risk vulnerability.

Feelings of shame and embarrassment about their sensitivity and emotional reactions can lead individuals with ADHD RSD to avoid discussing their feelings. They may worry that others will judge them negatively or perceive them as weak or overly sensitive.

Some individuals with ADHD RSD may struggle to articulate their feelings and emotions effectively. They may find it challenging to put their experiences into words or fear that others won't understand or relate to what they're going through.

 Keeping their feelings to themselves may be a self-protective coping mechanism for individuals with ADHD RSD. They may believe that it's safer to deal with their emotions internally rather than risk exposing themselves to potential judgment or rejection from others.

Trust issues, stemming from past betrayals or disappointments, can make it challenging for individuals with ADHD RSD to open up to others about their feelings. They may struggle to trust that others will respond empathetically and supportively, leading them to keep their emotions guarded.

The intensity of emotions experienced by individuals with ADHD RSD can be overwhelming, making it difficult for them to talk about their feelings coherently or in a way that others can understand. They may worry that trying to communicate their emotions will only amplify their distress.

Cultural or social norms that discourage emotional expression or vulnerability can also contribute to individuals with ADHD RSD keeping their feelings to themselves. They may fear being perceived as "weak" or "dramatic" for openly discussing their emotions.

What makes this article about ADHD RSD different? I know for a fact everything written in this article is 100% true because I have and still do experience ADHD RSD. The vast majority of material written about ADHD RSD is centered around the definition, putting most of the focus on rejection. 

Rejection is a major part of ADHD RSD, but what goes unnoticed by people is how often rejection plays a part in everyday life. Here are 50 examples to give you an idea of often situations involving rejection comes up

1. Not getting a job after an interview
2. Being turned down for a loan or credit application
3. Receiving a rejection letter from a college or university
4. Being excluded from a social gathering or event
5. Not being invited to a friend's party
6. Being unfriended or blocked on social media
7. Having a romantic partner break up with you
8. Receiving a negative performance review at work
9. Being passed over for a promotion or raise
10. Not being chosen for a sports team
11. Receiving a rejection email from a publisher or literary agent
12. Being ignored or dismissed by someone you admire
13. Having a manuscript or research paper rejected for publication
14. Being told "no" when asking someone out on a date
15. Not being selected for a scholarship or grant
16. Having a grant proposal rejected by a funding agency
17. Being denied entry into a club or organization
18. Having your ideas or suggestions rejected in a group setting
19. Being turned down for a volunteer opportunity
20. Receiving negative feedback on a creative project or artwork
21. Being refused service at a restaurant or store
22. Not being chosen for a team project or group assignment
23. Having your contributions ignored or overlooked in a group setting
24. Being told you're not good enough or not talented enough
25. Being excluded from a family gathering or celebration
26. Having a request for help or support rejected by a friend or family member
27. Being criticized or ridiculed for your appearance or abilities
28. Being ghosted or ignored by someone you were dating or interested in
29. Having your opinions or beliefs dismissed or invalidated
30. Being overlooked for an award or recognition
31. Not being included in a group photo or activity
32. Being left out of a conversation or social circle
33. Having your work or efforts go unrecognized or unappreciated
34. Being rejected by a mentor or role model
35. Having your application for a rental property denied
36. Being told you're not welcome in a certain space or community
37. Being excluded from a professional network or association
38. Having your proposal or idea rejected by a business partner or investor
39. Being denied access to resources or opportunities
40. Being told you're not qualified or experienced enough
41. Being laughed at or mocked for your interests or hobbies
42. Having your feelings or emotions dismissed or belittled
43. Being disqualified from a competition or contest
44. Being turned down for a date or social invitation
45. Having your friendship rejected by someone you admire
46. Being denied permission to participate in an activity or event
47. Being excluded from a group chat or online community
48. Having your application for a club or organization rejected
49. Being told you're too old or too young to participate in something
50. Being rejected by a pet or animal you're trying to befriend

 

 ADHD RSD. 

Perceived or real negative feedback, statements, accusations, blame, name-calling will result in an intense emotional reaction within the person with ADHD RSD. Often the change is visible but with a seasons pro the change may be unnoticeable. 

Intense emotions are often misunderstood when people don't relate their emotional pain they have experience to someone with ADHD RSD. This causes someone without ADHD RSD unable to relate to someone with ADHD RSD. 

 

Other important factors about ADHD RSD 

• The cyclical nature of RSD, where each perceived rejection or failure reinforces existing feelings of inadequacy and triggers further emotional distress, can contribute to the frequent occurrence of episodes. This perpetual cycle of emotional reactivity can be difficult to break without effective intervention.
• ADHD is often associated with difficulties in emotional regulation, which can exacerbate symptoms of RSD. Individuals may struggle to manage their emotions effectively, leading to frequent outbursts, mood swings, or emotional distress in response to perceived rejection.
• It's important to recognize that symptoms of ADHD RSD can fluctuate over time, with periods of remission or reduced severity followed by periods of heightened sensitivity and distress. Factors such as changes in medication, stress levels, or life circumstances may contribute to these fluctuations.
• Some individuals with ADHD RSD may experience frequent and intense episodes of rejection sensitivity, occurring multiple times per week or even daily. For others, episodes may be less frequent, occurring sporadically or in response to specific triggers.
• RSD episode can be a deeply distressing and overwhelming experience characterized by intense emotional sensitivity, negative self-talk, avoidance behaviors, and difficulty regulating emotions.

RSD has been my hardest challenge in life. RSD brings uncomfortable (painful) emotions that you can't walk off, or do some breathing exercises, and there is a reason for this. Once an RSD episode starts you can't turn it off. No matter the circumstance. Your emotional brain has taken control defying logic or reason. You will obsess over what happened, blaming yourself, hating yourself, hating the person....

Maybe I'm on the severe side because walking it off, taking a break, distracting myself isn't an option. I'm stuck, completely focused on how much I hate myself, or convinced it's over. The person can apologize or try to make it right that doesn't change anything. I'm also really livid that this person put me in a situation that caused me to have an episode. I think it's cruel. 

 

Therapy may or may not work for some. Once an episode starts it has to run it's course. You can't make it stop. 

 

 

Seeking Therapy

By seeking therapy and developing coping strategies, individuals with ADHD can learn to navigate their intense emotional responses and reduce the impact of RSD on their daily lives. Therapy can help individuals with ADHD understand the root of their intense emotional responses and develop healthy coping mechanisms. It is important for friends and family members to offer support and understanding to individuals with ADHD who struggle with RSD. It is crucial for loved ones to educate themselves about RSD and to provide a safe and validating environment for those struggling with RSD. Supportive and validating environments can help individuals with ADHD feel understood and accepted. It is also important for individuals with ADHD to practice self-care and self care techniques to help manage their RSD symptoms. This can include mindfulness practices, regular exercise, healthy eating habits, and engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation. Additionally, individuals with ADHD can benefit from learning effective communication skills to express their emotions and needs in a healthy way. It is also important for them to set realistic goals and boundaries to manage their RSD symptoms and prevent overwhelm. Seeking understanding and support from others, and taking proactive steps to manage intense emotional responses, can greatly improve the quality of life for individuals of individuals with ADHD who struggle with RSD