The Best of ADHD

Welcome to the best of ADHD, this page is going to hold important information you may want to find again in the future, think of it as your cheat sheet.   I aim to offer profound insights to help those with ADHD develop a deeper understanding of themselves. As the blogger to Kill the Star, I draw from firsthand experience, having encountered and grappled with everything discussed countless times throughout my lifetime. 

I speak from a place of authenticity as a woman who has wrestled with severe ADHD, emotional dysregulation, and rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD). After more than 40 years, I have reached a point of self-awareness and relative comfort in speaking candidly about ADHD. I am not an entertainer, I don't like the spotlight on me, I am doing it because I want to contribute to spreading the right information to as many people as possible. 

 

Research has shown that ADHD is associated with weaker function and structure of prefrontal cortex (PFC) circuits that form connections with other regions of the brain. One of these, the prefrontal association cortex, is critical for regulating attention, behavior, and emotion, and behavioral inhibition. Proper functioning of the prefrontal cortex also depends on access to the appropriate levels of the neurotransmitters dopamine, norepinephrine, and epinephrine.

 

estrogen has powerful effects on brain chemistry throughout your lifetime.

 

 

untreatedadhd.com & killthestar.com mission statement

In a world saturated with misinformation, it can be challenging to discern the truth amidst the noise. My mission is to cut through the clutter and provide honest insights, even if they may be uncomfortable at times. This endeavor is not about me; rather, it is about fostering education, sharing knowledge, and reducing shame associated with ADHD. By challenging societal stigmas, misconceptions, and preconceived notions, we can collectively shift the narrative surrounding ADHD.

It is my firm belief that individuals with ADHD deserve understanding, acceptance, and support, free from the burden of shame. Together, we can work towards creating a more inclusive and compassionate world where no one has to experience the debilitating effects of shame associated with ADHD.

End

 

 Good Read on RSD - 

Your intense pain is valid and justified. It’s real, and there is a reason for it. It’s not wrong, and it’s not your fault. You don’t exist in a vacuum — society is not blameless, and psychology is not objective. Bias permeates everything humans create, and science is infamously lacking in social critique.

or two ADHD partners

My articles on relationships involving one or both partners with ADHD can only provide assistance to individuals who acknowledge and accept their ADHD diagnosis. This is because individuals who are in denial of their ADHD are likely to continue exhibiting the same patterns of behavior unless a significant event prompts them to reconsider. It's essential for them to arrive at this realization independently, although I understand how frustrating and unfair this may feel to you.

Attempting to coerce them into recognizing their ADHD without their consent may only lead to defensiveness, as they may perceive your efforts as an attempt to mold them into someone they're not. Their defensiveness is not a reflection of you but rather stems from societal perceptions and past experiences. This reaction will vary from person to person.

So, if you're unwilling to wait indefinitely for them to have their "aha" moment, what other options are available? You mentioned wanting to compel them to see the truth. However, if you attempt to force them into this realization, they may interpret it as you solely blaming them for the relationship's challenges. It's important to approach this situation with honesty and understanding, recognizing that change must come from within and cannot be imposed externally.

Let's discuss all the wrong ways you can approach a problem with someone with ADHD. The examples I have listed are sure to backfire on you without you or them realizing why. 

  1. I'm not happy in this relationship because YOU do XYZ
  2. If you just stopped doing XYZ our relationship can grow
  3. I hate when you do XYZ
  4. I need you to change, I can't deal with XYZ.
  5. I can't believe you think that way, why can't you see this is all your fault.
  6. I'm not happy that you don't pay enough attention to me
  7. Why can't you respond like a normal person?
  8. Talk!! Say Something! Don't just stand there!
  9. Why can't you stop doing whatever your doing when I call you?
  10. Why do I have to be careful around you so I don't upset you?
  1. "I feel like I'm constantly picking up after you. Why can't you remember to put things away?"
  2. "It's frustrating when you interrupt me while I'm talking. Can't you just wait your turn?"
  3. "I'm tired of always being the one to initiate plans and activities. Why can't you take more initiative?"
  4. "You never seem to listen to me when I tell you important things. Why can't you pay attention?"
  5. "I'm sick of your impulsive decisions. Why can't you think things through before acting?"
  6. "You're always running late and it drives me crazy. Can't you be more punctual?"
  7. "I hate how forgetful you are. Why can't you remember important dates and appointments?"
  8. "Your mood swings are exhausting. Why can't you regulate your emotions better?"
  9. "I can't stand how distracted you are all the time. Why can't you focus on one thing at a time?"
  10. "I'm fed up with your procrastination. Why can't you just get things done on time?"

This lesson is directed towards partners of individuals with ADHD. It's understandable if you find it challenging to fully grasp the intricacies of ADHD, despite reading about it or consulting with a doctor. There often remains a significant gap in understanding between you and your partner. Compounding this issue is the tendency to place the entirety of responsibility for addressing ADHD-related challenges onto your partner's shoulders. However, this presents a real dilemma because ADHD is not something that can be permanently fixed. It fluctuates in severity throughout one's life, with periods of improvement and regression being common. This fluctuation may persist indefinitely, meaning that the challenges associated with ADHD are unlikely to ever completely vanish. This is a crucial consideration: are you prepared to navigate the lifelong journey of managing ADHD-related issues with your partner? While improvements can certainly occur, it's important to recognize that progress may not always be linear.

Lesson One: The moment you begin assigning blame by saying, "this is your fault," you are essentially launching a verbal attack on your partner. From the instant you enter a room, your partner can discern your mood. They can discern your emotions from your body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Whether you're livid, angry, hurt, or resentful, your partner is keenly aware. Therefore, approaching someone with ADHD when you're upset is counterproductive. It places them in survival mode, where their primary focus is on preventing you from tarnishing their character.

Suggestions: Refrain from engaging with your partner when you're angry, as you're unlikely to achieve the resolution you seek. Instead, take a step back and allow cooler heads to prevail. Understand that your partner is not deliberately trying to upset you; rather, they are simply trying to navigate the situation without exacerbating tensions further.

Lesson Two: Criticizing your partner's character only serves to reinforce feelings of unworthiness and unlovability. This can create a rift between you, pushing your partner further away.

Suggestions: Instead of fixating solely on your partner's perceived flaws, take the time to reflect on your own contributions to the relationship dynamic. Acknowledge that both parties play a role in the relationship's challenges, and work together to address them collaboratively. A healthy, equal partnership requires shared accountability.

Lesson Three: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is a common experience among individuals with ADHD. Constant criticism and negativity from a partner can exacerbate feelings of resentment and hurt.

Suggestions: Be mindful of how your words and actions impact your partner's emotional well-being. Strive to cultivate an environment of understanding, empathy, and support, rather than one characterized by criticism and judgment. Remember that a little kindness and compassion can go a long way in strengthening your relationship.

Lesson Four: Avoiding Emotional Landmines Constantly walking on eggshells around your partner for fear of triggering their emotional dysregulation can strain the relationship. While it's natural to want to avoid conflict, tiptoeing around sensitive topics or withholding your true feelings can lead to pent-up frustration and resentment.

Suggestions: Instead of tip-toeing around potential triggers, communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Approach conversations with empathy and understanding, acknowledging your partner's challenges while also expressing your own needs and boundaries. Establishing clear communication channels can help foster a more supportive and authentic connection.

Lesson Five: Embracing Flexibility and Adaptability Living with someone with ADHD requires a flexible and adaptable approach to navigating daily life. Rigidity and inflexibility can lead to frustration and tension, as plans may need to change unexpectedly or tasks may be completed in a different manner than initially anticipated.

Suggestions: Embrace flexibility and adaptability in your relationship by being open to change and willing to adjust your expectations. Recognize that ADHD symptoms may fluctuate, and be prepared to roll with the punches when unexpected challenges arise. Focus on finding solutions together rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings or missed opportunities. By cultivating a mindset of flexibility and adaptability, you can foster resilience and strength in your relationship.

 

Never underestimate their propensity to internalize blame, often resulting in profound feelings of shame. Dealing with shame is immensely challenging, as it can hinder them from pursuing various endeavors they may otherwise desire. 

The experience of shame can be deeply complex and profoundly impactful on an individual's emotional well-being. Here's a description of how the shame process works and how it may feel to someone:

  1. Triggering Event: Shame often begins with a triggering event, such as a mistake, failure, or perceived rejection. This event may be internal, such as self-criticism or comparison to others, or external, such as criticism or judgment from others.

  2. Negative Self-Evaluation: Following the triggering event, the individual engages in negative self-evaluation, viewing themselves as inherently flawed, inadequate, or unworthy. They may dwell on their perceived shortcomings and mistakes, amplifying their feelings of shame.

  3. Isolation and Withdrawal: Shame tends to isolate individuals, leading them to withdraw from social interactions and avoid situations where they may face judgment or scrutiny. They may retreat inward, hiding their true thoughts and feelings from others out of fear of further rejection or criticism.

  4. Physical Sensations: Shame can manifest as physical sensations, including tightness in the chest, flushing or blushing, sweating, rapid heartbeat, or stomach discomfort. These physical symptoms may intensify the individual's sense of distress and discomfort.

  5. Negative Thought Patterns: Shame is often accompanied by negative thought patterns, such as self-blame, self-criticism, and feelings of worthlessness. The individual may engage in rumination, replaying the triggering event and magnifying their perceived inadequacies.

  6. Avoidance Behaviors: To cope with shame, individuals may engage in avoidance behaviors, such as procrastination, perfectionism, or self-sabotage. These behaviors provide temporary relief from the discomfort of shame but ultimately perpetuate the cycle of negative self-evaluation.

  7. Impact on Self-Esteem: Prolonged experiences of shame can erode self-esteem and self-confidence, leading to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and despair. The individual may develop a pervasive sense of being fundamentally flawed or unworthy of love and acceptance.

  8. Interpersonal Dynamics: Shame can influence interpersonal dynamics, leading individuals to hide their true selves and present a façade of perfection or invulnerability. They may struggle to form genuine connections with others, fearing rejection or judgment if their true selves are revealed.

Overall, the experience of shame is deeply distressing and can have profound effects on an individual's mental, emotional, and social well-being. 

It is very important for anyone in a relationship to be able to recognize when their partner has overwhelming feelings of shame. 

This is a behavior that will require a lot of work and patients. This is crucial for the ADHD person to work on this.

When someone is experiencing shame, they may display a variety of signs, both verbal and non-verbal, that indicate their emotional distress. Here are some common signs someone may exhibit when feeling shame:

  1. Avoidance of Eye Contact: Individuals experiencing shame may avoid making eye contact with others, as they feel embarrassed or unworthy of being seen.

  2. Slumped Posture: They may adopt a slouched or hunched posture, conveying a sense of defensiveness or self-protection.

  3. Blushing or Flushing: Some individuals may experience physical signs of shame, such as blushing or flushing of the cheeks, due to heightened emotional arousal.

  4. Tearfulness: Shame often elicits feelings of sadness or distress, leading to tearfulness or crying as a coping mechanism.

  5. Withdrawal or Isolation: When feeling ashamed, individuals may withdraw from social interactions or isolate themselves from others to avoid further judgment or criticism.

  6. Minimal Verbal Communication: They may become quiet or withdrawn in conversation, offering minimal verbal responses and avoiding discussing topics related to their feelings of shame.

  7. Self-Criticism: Individuals experiencing shame may engage in self-critical or negative self-talk, berating themselves for perceived mistakes or inadequacies.

  8. Defensiveness: In an attempt to protect themselves from further shame, they may become defensive or guarded in their interactions with others, deflecting criticism or feedback.

  9. Difficulty Making Decisions: Shame can impair cognitive functioning, making it challenging for individuals to make decisions or problem-solve effectively.

  10. Physical Symptoms: Some individuals may experience physical symptoms of stress or anxiety, such as sweating, trembling, or an upset stomach, when feeling ashamed.

  11. Avoidance Behaviors: They may engage in avoidance behaviors, such as procrastination or distraction, to avoid confronting the source of their shame.

  12. Excessive Apologizing: Feeling responsible for the triggering event, individuals may apologize excessively or take on unnecessary blame as a way of coping with their feelings of shame.

 It's important to approach individuals displaying signs of shame with empathy, compassion, and understanding, creating a safe and supportive environment where they feel comfortable expressing their emotions and seeking help if needed.

You need to understand why it's offensive to say to someone with ADHD they are using it as an excuse. You should also be aware it is so offensive, they never forget you said it. 

It's offensive to tell someone with ADHD that they're using their ADHD as an excuse for several reasons:

  1. Minimizing Their Struggles: ADHD is a legitimate neurodevelopmental disorder that can significantly impact a person's daily functioning, including their ability to focus, organize tasks, regulate emotions, and maintain attention. By dismissing their challenges as mere excuses, you're downplaying the real and often debilitating difficulties they face.

  2. Invalidating Their Experience: Individuals with ADHD often expend considerable effort trying to manage their symptoms and navigate the world despite their neurobiological differences. When you accuse them of using their ADHD as an excuse, you're invalidating their lived experience and suggesting that their struggles are not valid or legitimate.

  3. Dismissing Their Efforts: Managing ADHD requires ongoing effort, self-awareness, and coping strategies. Many individuals with ADHD work tirelessly to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals, despite facing numerous setbacks along the way. By attributing their difficulties solely to an "excuse," you're disregarding their hard work and perseverance.

  4. Undermining Their Self-Esteem: People with ADHD often struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy due to the pervasive societal stigma surrounding their condition. Accusing them of using their ADHD as an excuse can further erode their self-confidence and reinforce negative beliefs about themselves.

  5. Fostering Misunderstanding: ADHD is still widely misunderstood and stigmatized in society. By perpetuating the misconception that ADHD is merely an excuse for laziness or incompetence, you're contributing to harmful stereotypes and preventing meaningful dialogue about the real challenges faced by individuals with ADHD.

 Accusing someone with ADHD of using their condition as an excuse is offensive because it invalidates their struggles, dismisses their efforts, undermines their self-esteem, and perpetuates harmful stereotypes. It's essential to approach conversations about ADHD with empathy, understanding, and respect for the individual's experiences and challenges.

 When your family or friends don't believe You.

When someone with ADHD is not believed by their family or friends, it can evoke a profound sense of hurt and distress. Here's an explanation of the level of hurt they may experience:

  1. Betrayal of Trust: Being disbelieved by loved ones can feel like a betrayal of trust. Individuals with ADHD may have shared their struggles and vulnerabilities with their family or friends in the hope of receiving support and understanding. When their experiences are dismissed or invalidated, it can shatter their trust in those closest to them and leave them feeling deeply hurt and betrayed.

  2. Emotional Isolation: Not being believed can lead to feelings of emotional isolation and alienation. Individuals with ADHD may already struggle with feelings of being misunderstood or marginalized due to the stigma surrounding their condition. Being disbelieved by family or friends can exacerbate these feelings, making them feel even more isolated and alone in their struggles.

  3. Self-Doubt and Insecurity: Disbelief from family or friends can fuel feelings of self-doubt and insecurity. Individuals with ADHD may already wrestle with doubts about their abilities and self-worth due to the challenges they face in daily life. When their experiences are dismissed, it can reinforce negative beliefs about themselves and deepen their sense of inadequacy.

  4. Invalidation of Experiences: Not being believed can invalidate the lived experiences of individuals with ADHD. It sends the message that their struggles are not real or legitimate, further perpetuating the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding their condition. This invalidation can leave them feeling unseen, unheard, and devalued as individuals.

  5. Impact on Mental Health: The hurt of not being believed can take a toll on the mental health and well-being of individuals with ADHD. It can exacerbate symptoms of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, leading to increased feelings of distress and hopelessness. Without validation and support from their loved ones, they may struggle to cope with their challenges and maintain a sense of resilience.

 Not being believed by family or friends can have a profound impact on individuals with ADHD, affecting their sense of trust, emotional well-being, and self-esteem. It's crucial for loved ones to listen to and validate their experiences, offer support and understanding, and work together to navigate the challenges of living with ADHD.

Individuals with ADHD may experience deep feelings that are distinct from those without the condition due to the unique challenges and characteristics associated with ADHD. Here are some deep feelings commonly experienced by individuals with ADHD:

  1. Intense Emotions: Many individuals with ADHD experience emotions with greater intensity than their neurotypical counterparts. This heightened emotional sensitivity can manifest as intense joy, excitement, anger, frustration, sadness, or anxiety. Their emotions may fluctuate rapidly and unpredictably, leading to a rollercoaster of feelings throughout the day.

  2. Overwhelm: Individuals with ADHD often feel overwhelmed by the demands of daily life, including work, school, relationships, and household responsibilities. They may struggle to prioritize tasks, manage time effectively, and maintain focus amidst competing priorities, leading to feelings of stress, anxiety, and frustration.

  3. Impulsivity: Impulsivity is a hallmark feature of ADHD, characterized by acting without forethought or consideration of consequences. Individuals with ADHD may experience deep feelings of regret, shame, or guilt following impulsive actions or decisions that have negative outcomes. They may struggle to control their impulses, leading to challenges in various areas of life.

  4. Rejection Sensitivity: Many individuals with ADHD experience heightened sensitivity to rejection or criticism, known as rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD). They may interpret neutral or ambiguous social cues as signs of rejection, leading to feelings of hurt, shame, and insecurity. These deep-seated feelings of rejection can profoundly impact their self-esteem and relationships.

  5. Hyperfocus: While ADHD is often associated with distractibility and inattention, individuals with the condition may also experience periods of hyperfocus, during which they become deeply engrossed in a task or activity of interest. This intense concentration can lead to feelings of absorption, immersion, and satisfaction as they delve into their chosen pursuit with single-minded focus.

  6. Hyperarousal: ADHD is characterized by a heightened state of arousal, both emotionally and physiologically. Individuals with ADHD may experience deep feelings of restlessness, agitation, or hyperactivity, as well as heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli such as noise, light, or touch. This constant state of arousal can contribute to feelings of tension, irritability, and overwhelm.

  7. Intrusive Thoughts: Individuals with ADHD may experience intrusive thoughts or racing thoughts, characterized by a constant stream of ideas, worries, or memories that intrude upon their consciousness. These intrusive thoughts can be distressing and overwhelming, leading to deep feelings of anxiety, rumination, or unease.

 The deep feelings experienced by individuals with ADHD are multifaceted and complex, influenced by a combination of biological, psychological, and environmental factors. 

 

ADHD COACHES

Compared to a licensed mental health professional, such as a psychologist or a nurse practitioner, ADHD coaches don’t have to undergo the same kind of certification process.

Credible ADHD coaching certification programs exist, including ones recognized by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), and signify the professional has specific training and expertise in consulting individuals with ADHD. Still, anyone can technically call themselves an ADHD coach, so working with someone with relevant and verifiable experience, education, and training is crucial to ensure you get the most informed guidance. 

 

 What is severe ADHD?

Severe ADHD is not a medical diagnosis — rather, it is a clinical and subjective judgment of how significantly the condition affects a person’s life.
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Roxx Farron
blogger https://www.killthestar.comMar 12
Can people develop a tolerance to ADHD medications like Adderall and Vyvanse?

Anyone is capable of building a tolerance to following medications

Here's an overview of how tolerance may develop with different classes of medications:

  1. Painkillers (Opioids): Opioid medications are notorious for inducing tolerance with prolonged use. Individuals who take opioids for pain relief may find that they require higher doses over time to achieve the same level of pain relief. This tolerance can lead to the risk of dependence and addiction.
  2. Stimulants (e.g., Methylphenidate, Amphetamines): Stimulant medications, such as those used to treat ADHD, can also lead to tolerance with prolonged use. Individuals may experience a decrease in the therapeutic effects of the medication and require higher doses to achieve the desired level of symptom control.
  3. Benzodiazepines: Benzodiazepines are central nervous system depressants commonly prescribed for anxiety and sleep disorders. Tolerance can develop with these medications, leading to decreased effectiveness over time and potentially necessitating higher doses to achieve the desired effects. Tolerance to the sedative effects may develop more rapidly than tolerance to the anxiolytic effects.
  4. Antidepressants: While tolerance to the therapeutic effects of antidepressants is less common compared to some other medications, it's possible for individuals to experience reduced efficacy with long-term use. In such cases, healthcare providers may need to adjust the dosage or switch to a different medication to maintain effectiveness.
  5. Antipsychotics: Tolerance to the therapeutic effects of antipsychotic medications may develop in some individuals with long-term use. This can necessitate dose adjustments or changes in medication to manage symptoms effectively.
  6. Anticonvulsants: Tolerance to anticonvulsant medications used to treat epilepsy and other seizure disorders is less common but can occur in some cases. Healthcare providers may need to monitor patients closely and adjust medication regimens as needed to maintain seizure control.
  7. Antibiotics: Tolerance is not typically associated with antibiotics, as they work by killing or inhibiting the growth of bacteria rather than affecting the body's physiology in the same way as other medications. However, bacteria can develop resistance to antibiotics with prolonged or inappropriate use, making the medication less effective over time.
Is it common for people with ADHD not to like to take their meds?

Many ADHD medications come with potential side effects, ranging from mild to severe. These can include appetite suppression, sleep disturbances, headaches, increased heart rate, and mood swings. Some individuals may be reluctant to take medication due to concerns about experiencing these side effects. It’s possible the medication isn’t working, it doesn’t work on everyone. Some individuals may feel ashamed or embarrassed about needing medication to manage their symptoms. They may worry about being perceived as "weak" or "abnormal" for relying on medication. This has caused many people to not only stop their medications but ignore their ADHD altogether. Maybe, they don’t feel their ADHD is severe enough to take medication for or they feel they don’t have ADHD. People in mental health are misdiagnosed more than you think.